2024 April 30 Valerian and a Panic Attack

A panic attack struck me this morning. I’m lucky this happens rarely now. It was a huge problem before and after my brain surgery in 2020, as I think anyone could expect when they know someone is going to cut their skull open.

Anyhoo, I’m lucky I can recognize it for what it is. I’m lucky to know it does pass. I’m lucky to have a mom nearby who just invited me to her house for a cup of coffee and an English muffin to wait it out.

Of course there are many reasons my stress got to this level. The floor guys were coming to put in a new kitchen floor. I had two final presentations due in my Sustainable Agriculture classes. I was told that celebrating LGBTQ+ identities would cause “controversy” at school. Other things too. 

I waited out that awful feeling wondering if I was going to barf. Then I felt slightly better and gathered myself to go to work.

But here’s what caught my eye. After the panic attack, I stepped into my mom’s backyard. I couldn’t help but notice the Valerian. The plant seemed more vibrant, more “bouncy” as Carli might say, more defined than any other plant in the garden. I went over, touched the leaves, smelled a bit of crushed up leaves, waved my hand through the patch of it. 

And I felt slightly better. Slightly calmer. 

The Valerian at my mom’s house in Lakewood originally came from her house in Bay Village. It may also have originated in Grandma Vi’s cottage in New York State..

I had to know. Is there something about this particular plant standing out at this particular time?

Google helped me with an answer:

This description is from WebM.D.

I’m getting more used to this happening. The first few times I connected with plants, it surprised me. Then it made me feel weird, like when you wonder if magic is real for a moment and you tell yourself it’s not. 

Humans coevolved with plants. Of course we actually vibrate together sometimes. Of course there is a deep intuition we can feel. This probably goes back in our history before language really evolved. 

I’m trusting my intuition now. Especially my intuition with nature. This is how I want to live. There is a lot of unlearning and relearning to do. 

How does Valerian become medicine? Why do I feel like saying Valerian “Root” right now? I might need to consult a medicine woman I know. I will update when I get more information. 

(Actually, I love the other advice I got today. When I told her about my panic attack, a coteacher suggested Joni Mitchell’s Blue Album. It was spot on advice. Have you noticed some of my blog post titles? April 8-11)